In possibly the only subtle thing Lamborghini has ever done, the company quietly previewed an SUV at the New York Auto Show for a select group of journalists; the rest of the world will get to look at it when it debuts at the Beijing Auto Show next Monday. And we’re already bracing ourselves, donning our finest Ed Hardys and heaping on the Acqua di Gio in buckets, trying to make out our camera screens behind oversized, gold-tinted Dolce and Gabbana sunglasses. This isn’t just any ordinary car unveil, you see. It’s the return of the Rambo Lambo!
The new Lamborghini won’t be called the “Seagal” or the “Canyonero,” but will be known as the Urus, which sounds like a gastrointestinal disorder (“I can’t come to work today, boss, my urus is flaring up”) but is actually “the ancestor of domestic cattle,” according to Wikipedia. Inspiring stuff—I guess it counts as a bull? Will the next Lamborghini product be called the “Bessie?” The SUV should be big and heavy, just like its namesake, but considerably faster. The 584-horsepower 5.2-liter V-10 from the Gallardo will be used, though for the environmentally conscious a hybrid model may be built with a picayune 600 horsepower. And what’s more luxurious than being conspicuously pretentious?
There’s more. The Urus—it still sounds weird on 3rd or 4th repeat—will debut in 2015, at the earliest. Production will be limited to 1500 vehicles. It will have three doors instead of five, but will not come with a soft top. It will share its platform with the Porsche Cayenne (and subsequently, Volkswagen Touraeg and Audi Q7 stablemates). It will resemble the Estoque concept from 2008. A matte black finish will most likely be available. Turn signals will not come standard. The audio system will play nothing but Skrillex on full bass. Paris Hilton has already been awarded a DUI in one. And we may have made those last few up.
Unlike Porsche and Bentley, however, Lamborghini has a precedence for this sort of thing. Automotive geeks might remember the LM002 of the 1980s, which was a Jean Claude Van Damme movie on wheels. Originally designed as a legitimate military vehicle, it featured Lamborghini’s legendary V-12 engine (a marine V-12 found in powerboats could be ordered, for even more power), an in-car phone (classy!), and an owner’s club comprised of the sort of oil barons and ex-porn stars that make Sacha Baron Cohen’s “Dictator” character look like a schoolmarm. Loud, brash, and about as subtle as a sucker punch to the gut, the LM002 still commands high auction prices and the schoolyard longing of any woman who regularly shops at Frederick’s of Hollywood.
Purists may balk at the idea of a Lamborghini SUV, but so what? They probably can’t buy one anyway. The Russian oligarchs, Chinese gangsters and Pamela Anderson, will snap these up like their third or fourth mortgage. Kobe will be on two of these by his next divorce. Justin Bieber will take his in chrome. Suge Knight will avoid boxing matches at the MGM in one. Henry Kissinger once said, “power is the ultimate aphrodisiac.” Lil’ Wayne once said, “down south dread, insane for da bread, dont give my name to da feds.” What does that even mean? Who knows, but one of those two will actually lay down the deposit on a Urus, while the other is will end up visiting his gastrointestinologist.
Source: Car News China