Because today is Halloween and the SEMA aftermarket exhibition right around the corner in Las Vegas, we took some time to think of the tuner car companies. Especially those on the fringes of the automotive universe who don’t think to keep well enough alone. With unique body kits and off-the-wall paint jobs, some tuner cars come out looking much more exotic than anything the original automaker thought to provide. But there are others that you can’t help but wonder, “What were they thinking?” They’re the sort that makes us wish we had a third hand because facepalming in shame with two just isn’t enough. Here are five of our favorite worst.
Gemballa Tornado Porsche Cayenne
Sure, it may have 750 horsepower. But fast can’t hide ugly. And if you buy one for the estimated $550,000 asking price—about five times the price of a standard Porsche Cayenne Turbo—you’ll be living proof that money can’t buy taste. Gemballa has been tuning Porsche models for more than 30 years. During which time, they’ve never come up with something so horrendous as the Tornado. While the Cayenne has never been one of the prettier vehicles on the road, the visual static coming from this beast is enough to give anyone a headache just by looking at it.
Mansory Rolls-Royce Ghost
Switzerland-based Mansory extends elegance as far as the bling, ice, and chrome “rimz” crowd is concerned. Because no one ever asked for non-functional air vents in the bodywork of a Ghost, Mansory went ahead and added them anyway. Same goes for the gold-finish metal strips that run along either side of the car. The Ghost was never the most subtle car on the road, but the Mansory version unfortunately turns ostentatious into downright awful.
Callaway C16 Chevrolet Corvette
Looking a bit like a guppy that mated with a 2002 Chevrolet Camaro, the C16 comes across as the most awesome concept car ever produced in 1994. With its hardware based on the current-generation Chevrolet Corvette’s, albeit with its own line of superchargers, Callaway says the C16 is naturally competition for the Porsche 911 GT3 and Ferrari 599 but at a cheaper price. We ask why anyone with this kind of money wouldn’t just get a Corvette ZR1 and pocket the $60,000 difference.
Rich Evans Design Ford Mustang
This creation seeped from the leftovers of the 2007 SEMA show. We have no words to describe this car.
Status Design Porsche Cayenne
No confirmation exists as to whether or not Russian tuning house Status Design ever went ahead and actually produced this malformed version of the Porsche Cayenne. But we wouldn’t be surprised if the firm did, judging by what we see come out of Russia. With the Cayenne, Status Design already had the perfect blank palette for designing ugly. But the company decided early on that it wanted to go for the gold in the contest of “Ours looks worse than yours,” proudly waving that banner all along the way. With a front end that looks grafted on from a Ferrari Enzo and more scoops, stakes, strakes, and wings than we’re sure the Russians really had any idea what to do with, we don’t know who would buy one. But that person has our sincerest sympathies.