Prolonging the Pain with the Mini Hummer

His economic version supposedly can get 60 miles to the gallon and as he puts it, “with the same attitude and the same look.” Mr. Saunders hopes to obtain nearly $30,000 from the auction.

You can get more details over at BBC News. Our take? Okay, so it isn’t actually that bad, environmentally, if it gets 60 mpg. That isn’t the problem. The problem is an attempt to preserve the cool factor in the Hummer brand itself. The question would be: “Why?” The Hummer looks like…a box—not even a box with a streamlined shape—just a fat box, with a nose on one end. What the hell are you going to do with a box? Give it to some hobo?

Secondly, half the attitude behind the Hummer—that attracts any idiot at all—is the size. It is the sheer immensity of the thing that works as its appeal, and without the size you don’t have the attitude. A “mini-Hummer” pretty much defeats the point even if you do get 60 miles to the gallon. You’re trying to shoot two targets with one missile, but they’re pretty much on opposing sides of the automotive spectrum. An owner of a heavy weight vehicle doesn’t give a rat’s buttocks over environmental concerns, he wants it for the size and weight, more fool he. The only inhibitor to their popularity is the fact that people can’t afford it at the pumps anymore. People who want green cars may be interested in this vehicle because of the mileage, but you’re appealing to a completely different consumer base.

The very base principle of the Hummer is what is wrong here, and all continuations thereof should be prohibited, not legally, but for the sanity of cute baby rabbits. We will grant the Hummer’s size and weight might be useful in certain select situations, but it is utterly extraneous because most people will never find themselves in those situations.

Ultimately our thoughts are...just let it die already. Why prolong the pain, or more precisely, the concept of the pain? This just isn’t funny.